Is the babysitter on heroin?

It’s terrifying to leave a child with a babysitter—even the beloved, experienced kind. It’s difficult to quantify the fear for the uninitiated without sounding hyperbolic and paranoid, but picture your favorite part of your body—your heart or brain or hands or stomach or whatever—and then imagine leaving it in the care of some 18-year-old you’ve never met before while you go off and try to get some work done or have a nice relaxing evening reconnecting with your spouse over overpriced tapas. It’s a miracle you’re able to continue to breathe, let alone drive a car or digest food or type emails. If anything bad happens to that part of you while you’re away, you will probably literally die.